I was staring at my plain sandwich. Suddenly my usually energetic little brother Tony came shuffling into the kitchen, clutching on to his robot,
"Hey little dude!" I said, trying to cheer him up,
"... My robot needs a new battery, but I cant find any..." He mumbled,
"Hang on," I instructed. As I hurried down to my Dad's office, stumbling down the stairs, I caught a glimpse of something dripping from the ceiling, it was red...
"TONY!" I shrieked... Panting I made it to the kitchen, there Tony was, head on the table, body on the floor...
Make sure you are consistent with your word choice as energetic and shuffling are two very different characteristics. Be sure check your end punctuation. I am confused with your ending and how it comes out of nowhere and doesn't' fit with the beginning tone of your story.
ReplyDelete